


You Can't Rhyme Toerag with Gorad

by NobleZeda



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Poetry, Banter, Birthday, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Literally James is the worst poet ever, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Pining, Quidditch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2609432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobleZeda/pseuds/NobleZeda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 times James failed in asking Lily out and the only time he needed to succeed.</p><p>He had taken bludgers on the Quidditch pitch, had been beaten senseless by his best friend once a month, had carried a bag filled with homework to the bursting point. He had been on the business end of Tripping Jinxes, had faced a solid month of detention, had been attacked by a tree. But she was the only thing that had ever successfully swayed him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Rhyme Toerag with Gorad

1.

A sharp prod to the side of her arm. "Comin' to the Quidditch game later, are ya, Evans? Evans. Evans, are you supporting Gryffindor? Doing your patriotic duty? Hey. Hey, Evans. Pssssssst, Evans. Are you coming? Or are you sitting alone in your stuffy little library filling your head with nonsense?"

"Shove off, toerag."

"Something to share, Mr. Potter?"

"Just my eternal, unrequited love, but that's nothing new, professor," Potter called up to Professor McGonagall. Lily's face creased in annoyance. Professor McGonagall's mouth fell into a hard line, a look she hadn't really known until Potter's second year at Hogwarts. Lily could relate.

"Up front, if you please, Mr. Potter."

"You betcha, Professor," Potter said, saluting. He gathered his splayed books in his hands, stooped to pick his bag up on his shoulder, and began walking backward toward the front row of desks so that he could still face Lily. He wished that McGonagall would just make one exception to her ideology of keeping the seats consistent year-round. Potter had bent Heaven and Earth to get the vacant stool next to Lily Evans on the first day of the year every year for the past four. "Same time next week, Evans? Fancy a butterbeer with me this weekend?"

The entire class was used to this by now. It happened every Transfiguration class. Nobody batted an eye.

"Ask me next week, toerag."

"Look forward to it." Potter winked, then backed straight into the brick wall that was Professor McGonagall.

"That will do, Potter."

Potter nodded, still grinning hugely, and took a seat next to Peter Pettigrew at the front of the room. Lily could finally concentrate again.

 

 

2.

Lily did, in fact, go to the Quidditch match that day. With Marlene and Alice at her side, she tromped down the grounds toward the pitch. The sky was cloudless and sunny. She almost had decided not to come, just because Potter wanted her there, but she was more mature than that. Besides, Marlene wanted her to go, and if Lily told her why she wouldn't Marlene would pry up some ridiculous subtext that she'd apparently devoted her life to analyzing.

They made their long trek up to the stands with amiable chatter, and Alice immediately pulled Lily along to the front bench. Her long-term, very serious boyfriend Frank was waiting there for them, waving them over.

"I saved you all seats," he said, pulling his jumper closer around his neck. Alice smiled fondly and began to do something that Lily didn't see, because she pointedly turned away from their little bubble to look at the pitch.

Although it was a beautiful, bright day, it was freezing. This was perhaps one of the last gorgeous days that the fall would yield before Hogwarts was weighed down by snow for the next several months.

"I should have brought gloves," Marlene commented ruefully, rubbing her pink hands together. She wound them in the corner of her scarf. "Hey, do you think Potter should have-"

"You can borrow mine if you like," said Lily, just to keep Marlene from finishing that sentence. She peeled off her hand-knitted gloves and dropped them in Marlene's lap.

"But what about you?" Marlene asked, puzzled.

"I'm fine," Lily insisted. She wished she had not given up her gloves. Already, she could feel the skin on the back of her hands drying up and chafing.

Marlene surveyed her skeptically for a moment before thanking her and pulling on the pink gloves. She sighed contentedly, then continued, "Do you think Potter should have been captain of the Gryffindor team?" Lily stifled a groan. She had given up her gloves for nothing. "I do. I heard they offered him the position but he turned it down. Said he didn't want to polish his tarnished reputation, that he'd worked hard to get it that way, that he was quite insulted."

"Yeah, well he's a git, isn't he? Gits do what gits do," Lily answered, shaking her hair off of her shoulder so that it fell down her back. The cold air was nipping at her neck.

"Git or not, Quidditch is one of the only things he cares about. You'd think he'd be-"

"Oh look - there's Ravenclaw!" said Lily pointedly, though she was feigning excitement. Marlene did seem to be distracted by this. She stood up with a few others to get a better look at the ground as the blue-clad players walked out of their locker rooms.

"Which means..." Marlene drawled expectantly, as the door at the other end of the pitch swung open. The Gryffindor team stepped out, headed by their captain, but Lily's eyes, regrettably, flew straight to Potter, who was just behind her. The rest of the team marched along behind, and Lily made a point of looking at each of them in turn, even the really ugly ones, so that her mind didn't think Potter was special.

The usual events narrator took up post.

"Right, well, it looks like a line up for a good show today, chaps," he said, his voice odd and croaky from puberty. He listed off the names of the teammates - not that there was anybody who didn't know them - as the team captains shook hands. Madam Hooch, fixated on the game as ever, let the Quaffle fly. The game began. "And the first piece of the Quaffle goes to Potter - he's speeding off on his new Cleansweep, looks to be the newest model, very fast indeed - he dodges a bludger sent by Greenwick - coming up on the goal - he shoots - and a score! That's right, we're on the board, Gryffindor. No need to take a celebratory lap, James, the game is still - right, sorry, of course I won't comment again."

Potter had flown very close to the stand and shouted something about low self-esteem when pimply Hufflepuffs remark about his flying that had just barely made it into the announcer.

"Verdnand starting us off - she's charging past the Gryffindors - bludger to the back of the head, that looked nasty - but she recovers! Incredible! Still speeding off - and there's Potter coming up on her again - did she just - I'm not sure I saw that right - oh she did? Alright, it seems Verdnand just threw Potter the Quaffle and flew in the opposite direction - not sure what that's - oh! There's the catch. Potter takes a Ravenclaw Chaser to each side! Still on his broom, though, well done, Potter. Right, sorry, sir. No comment. Anyway, er, fine desplay of blatching there by Callment and Hedgewett - Penalty shoot to Potter - he's flying up to the goal line, facing off against Ravenclaw Keeper - and now he's flying away - still not going to comment even though he appears to be going in the exact opposite direction of the goal - other players seem very confused and slightly concerned - Potter's gently cruising toward the Gryffindor stands, no idea why - no, Professor, I'm not going to tell him where to fly..."

Lily watched, jaw set in aggravation, as Potter made his way directly over to the stands until he was hovering on his broom directly in front of her, still holding the Quaffle.

"Hey, Evans, you want to go out with me?" he asked, stuffing the scarlet ball under his left arm and reaching into his glove.

"Are you serious right now, Potter?" Lily asked, shoving her face into her hands and staring at him between the gaps of her fingers.

"Just so you know, the fate of the game may depend on you. I'm not sure my self-esteem can handle any rejection right now. You want Gryffindor to win, don't you?" Potter prodded, reaching into the crease of his heavy leather glove and wrist.

"I don't care if Gryffindor wins. You're a toerag, Potter," Lily said bitterly.

Potter dropped slightly in elevation, so that he was at Lily's eye level. He reached out - he was stopping the entire Quidditch match to give Lily a note? - and held out a heavily crumpled, folded up piece of parchment for her. For a long moment, Lily didn't do anything.

Marlene, on the other hand, was reacting as though the Weird Sisters were in front of her, instead of pea-brain Potter, who she had seen trip over his own upended pants in second year. "Evans, if you don't date him, I will."

Potter winked at her, then shoved the note closer to Lily. "I'm not leaving until you answer. So? What do you say, Evans?"

Lily rolled her eyes as she clutched the paper. "Ask me again next week," she said grouchily.

She especially didn't need to hear the spluttered commentary over Potter's grin and then sudden exclamation, "Hey! Where are your gloves?"

"Hey! Where's the Quaffle?"

"Here, take mine," Potter said. As he began unstrapping his thick, leather gloves he continued over Lily's protesting complaints, "You can't magic your hands back to life if they fall off. Here."

He thrust them at Lily's feet and sped off, toward the goal again. As the status quo shifted back into place, the commentary re-railed, and the game continued. Potter made the shot.

"Well? What does it say?" asked Alice excitedly, from under Frank's arm. Lily rolled her eyes, stooped to pick up the gloves. They were worn in the joints, but stiff over all. Potter hadn't had much cause to wear them yet this year. Lily had half a mind to pitch the gloves off the top of the stand - but it was very cold.

"Don't even think about it," growled Marlene, as though she had read Lily's mind. "I will hex those gloves onto you for the rest of your life if you don't put them on right now."

"I don't want to encourage him," said Lily indignantly, as Potter scored his third goal. That brought the game to thirty-nil. "If he sees me wearing these things-"

"Do you honestly think there is anything in the world that could sway James Potter, whether you wanted it to or not?" Marlene asked. "All you're doing right now is choosing to get frostbite. I swear, if you don't-"

"Fine," Lily grumbled. She pulled the gloves on, one after the other. They were still warm with the heat of Potter's hands. They brought relief to her frigid fingers, and she couldn't help but sigh contentedly. She might have been able to pass it off as a labored breath, if Marlene wasn't watching too closely.

"Wellll? What does the note say?" repeated Alice expectantly from Lily's other side. A full-on assault. In the distance, Potter had finally let someone else score. Unfortunately, it was Ravenclaw. Lily didn't much mind. She was making a fuss with opening the thin parchment in Potter's thick gloves. When she did open it, she wasn't even sure she could physically relay the message to her friends.

_Evans you may think me a terrible toerag_   
_But I hope one day you will see_   
_That I'm much better than Forewarius Gorad_   
_The wizard who made polyjuice from pee_

_So if you had to choose_   
_Between old Fartius and me_   
_Please choose not to bruise_   
_My fragile e-go._

_Like Slughorn and potions_   
_Can't you see that we_   
_Go together as a spectacular notion_   
_So let's accompany each other to Hogsmeade._

Concomitant with this foul, abhorrent disgrace to literature were several crude doodles of snitches and hearts being pierced by arrows that looked like they were trying very hard to move, but had been crushed by a very large and invisible boulder. Wordlessly, Lily refolded it pushed it from her mind as Potter passed the Quaffle to Kelly Deeridge to keep Verdnand from stealing it.

 

\+ + +

 

"Prongs, you aren't telling us you tried to rhyme 'toerag' with 'Gorad,'" Sirius Black insisted as Lily ran up behind their little Marauder Gang.

"And 'me' with ego' and those two aren't even the worst," Lily said. Potter spun around.

"Evans!" he cried in unmasked delight. "Did you see that last go-"

"Here are you gloves, Potter. Don't pull anything like that again," Lily said. She threw his gloves into his chest, watched them strike him simultaneously with her words. For a moment, she almost considered feeling bad. Especially when his hand slipped inside and felt the note tucked there, returned to him. His face fell significantly. Lily tried not to notice.

"Remus, we have a prefects meeting in a few hours, don't forget," she said.

"I won't," Remus told her quietly, smiling softly. He seemed tired. His illnesses must be creeping up on him again.

"I'm the Head Boy, shouldn't you be reminding me, too? But, hey, Evans," Potter said, trying to regain some of his previous gusto, "the drawings are okay, right? I tried to watch you doing the spell in Charms class and I did it as best I could-"

"The drawings are fine," Lily relented. She didn't like Potter, but she wasn't heartless. He hadn't given her any reason to be mean in the current conversation, anyway. So maybe she could be sort of nice. His hair looked good, just off the pitch...

"So, Hogsmeade is a-"'

"No," said Lily flatly. "Have a good evening." She turned on her heel and tried to spot Marlene and Alice in the crowd, as it thinned its way up to the castle.

 

3.

There was something very odd about the Marauders that next week. And the odd thing was that they were not behaving oddly at all. But this in itself was odd, because the normal behavior that was so odd for them was that they were spending hours in the library. And it wasn't even so Potter could stare at Lily. Entirely.

For the most part, they did seem to be genuinely engrossed in their readings. Lily had lost count of how many books they had gone through between the four of them. Every night it was the same dedicated performance. The four Marauders showed up, shocking everyone in the vicinity with their uncharacteristic silence, and simply read. The only suspicious thing was their varying expressions of panic as the hours ticked by, depending on the person.

Lily watched them every night, in between essays. She had her own table, usually filled to the last scrap of space with papers or books. The Marauders took an entire table between them, piled high with books in a stack that, had it not been enforced by magic, would have toppled seventeen books ago.

Since last night, Lily had stopped expecting Potter to come over and ask her to Hogsmeade. She really needed to strengthen her guard, because on the fourth night the Marauders showed up, Potter stalked over to her halfway through their session.

"Hey, Evans."

"Not interested, Potter. I'm sure you've got a lot to be getting on with, and so have I. Let's leave it at that," said Lily pointedly, pushing her nose that much farther into her Transfiguration essay.

"It's not that, Evans. I need help. With... homework," Potter said shiftily.

"For someone so good at deceit, you're a terrible liar," Lily said, setting down her quill emphatically and looking up. Better to reject him as soon as possible and get back to work quickly. If she didn't nip this in the bud, Potter could latch onto her all night like a damn lethifold.

"Maybe you bring out the best in me, Evans. What can I say? But I really do need your help. And it could very well be a matter of life and death," Potter said. Lily wrinkled her eyebrows.

"Who's life have you screwed up so impossibly badly that-"

"No, no, it's not that," Potter said. "It's - I - okay, so try not to read too much into this. You're just the smartest person I know, so we all think you're the only one who can help us. I wanted to go to you from the first minute. It was everyone else that I needed to talk round. But anyway - do you know why a werewolf would turn more vicious than usual during a full moon?" He looked incredibly beseeching. Lily heaved a sigh of relief and rolled her eyes.

"Why didn't you just tell me in the first place it was for Remus?" she asked. Potter looked gobsmacked in the most honest-to-god definition there could be.

"You-you-"

"It's not Auror Studies, Potter. He's conveniently sick every full moon, not to mention covered in scars? And you lot aren't exactly subtle. You may as well parade around the castle every month rather than sneaking off to the forest. No tact," Lily tutted. Potter did not look any less surprised. He looked slightly offended that she was so clever.

"Well, will you help us or not?" he demanded. Lily was incredibly surprised that he hadn't found a way to steer to conversation topic to a trip to Hogsmeade yet.

"Of course I will," Lily said pleasantly.

Potter looked as shocked as ever. "Really? I thought it was going to be way harder than that," he wondered aloud.

"In case you haven't noticed, I like Remus," Lily said.

Potter's mouth began to sputter like a guppy's. "But-but-"

"Not like that, toerag," Lily said with a groan. "What is wrong with you?"

"Well you're both prefects and all that lark, aren't you?" Potter said, gesticulating with cluelessness for emphasis. He seemed to have been completely drawn off from his original dire topic, and gone slightly pink.

"You're the Head Boy, James, you belong in that lark as well," Lily scoffed. "Now, did you-"

"You called me James," said Potter, as though he were slightly mesmerized. "You don't call me James."

Lily forced herself to remain nonchalant. "Is there something else you wanted to talk to me about, toerag?" she asked.

"Just to let you know that I'm very pleased that I'm gnawing away at your subconscious and that you're finally seeing me as more than 'that annoying Potter boy,'" Potter gloated.

"Potter?" Lily said, in more than moderate annoyance.

Potter batted his eyelashes and grinned sweetly. "Yessssss?" he asked innocently.

"Tell Remus to drink an extra bout of his potion on Wednesday," Lily said definitively, stuffing her parchment into her bag. Potter had successfully managed to ruin the night for her. "It's because of the lunar eclipse."

Potter gave a single, whimsical jump. "You're the star of my heart, Evans," he assured her in a sing-song whisper, clutching at his chest as though this gesture might make the statement more true to her. Lily was positively certain that this would be the moment that Potter asked her to Hogsmeade for the third time this week. But he didn't. He simply ducked behind the bookshelf, leaving Lily feeling oddly expectant and slightly let down. She shook herself, reopened her bag to get back to that essay. She was being stupid for feeling dissatisfied. It was a good thing that he hadn't-

She jumped as Potter's obnoxious head then stuck around the corner, just as she was accepting that he wouldn't be coming after her after all. He said, "By the way, Evans, I forgot to ask because of that stunning emotional connection we were sharing - fancy a trip to Hogsmeade with me next weekend? Or a butterbeer in the kitchens? Those House-elves-"

"Ask me next week, toerag," said Lily, not looking up. This was just as well, because it meant that James didn't see her light smile as he grinned and ducked away once more. Potter and his gang evacuated the library forthwith and did not return - to Lily's knowledge - for the rest of their time at Hogwarts.

 

4.

"So, Evans, you must have noticed-"

"How fat your abnormally large head looks upon such scrawny shoulders? I know that already," Lily said, as she and Potter walked through the seventh floor corridor after hours.

"Actually," Potter reiterated, "I was going to say that you must have noticed how mature I've been all night."

"Anyone can put on an act for a few hours, Potter," Lily said. "And acting is just your way, isn't it? I can already see you turning around. There's a glint in your eyes that I don't like."

"Yes, but apart from that one, solitary, infinitesimal glint, my eyes are rather nice, aren't they, Evans? Distracting, even?" Potter pressed.

"Infinitesimal. Big word there, Potter. Better be careful. Sure you know what it means?" Lily asked, as they rounded the corner. She and Potter were stuck together for the next hour, patrolling the corridors after hours for any younger students creeping out of bed.

"I may not be the top of the year, Evans, but I do know quite a lot, in fact," Potter insisted. "For example, I do know that you'll come around to me. Through sheer force of dedicated will, you-"

"Don't make me hex you, Potter. It wouldn't look good for me."

"Anything looks good on you, Evans," Potter said dutifully. He shone his wand behind a tapestry, a secret passageway that Lily hadn't known had existed until the previous time they had made this patrol.

"Do Bat Bogies look good on you?"

"Slightly less good than I would normally look, so I politely decline the offer," Potter continued. Lily hated how she noticed the way his voice sounded. It must just be good acoustics, she though wildly, because it reverberated and hit her from all angles, like if someone had someone managed to turn chocolate into sound. Like if they had turned the color of his warm and not distracting eyes to sound. Her failure to keep on top of their banter resulted in a small silence.

"What's the matter, Evans? Boggart got your tongue?"

"Nope, but it may as well. We all know that talking to you is my boggart," Lily muttered as they turned the corner. Lily hated this corridor. It was lined on both sides with rusty suits of armor that often spit out a few jeers at passersby. And, too make matters worse, Lily spotted Peeves drifting out of a storage closet.

Almost as though he could sense her alarm, Peeves turned his head and cackled madly as he zoomed closer.

"Why it's Potty Wee Potter and his Poor Portly Witch!" he sang out. Potter's hand tightened around his wand. "Maybe Peevesie should bring them and wring them in a ditch!"

"Ah, good! I was hoping to run into you tonight, Peeves!" Potter said boisterously. "I had-" Peeves looked affronted.

"Nobody summons Prankster Peeves!" he yelled evilly, and backflipped through the floor, yelling, "Try and catch me, Potty!"

"Thank Merlin," Potter muttered, stowing his wand the second Peeves's laughter had died out. "Not sure I could stand him tonight."

Lily let out a noise of superfluous puzzlement. "Why wouldn't Potty Wee Potter want to talk to Heckler-Extraordinaire Peeves?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

Potter shrugged. "I've got enough to be getting on with," he said shiftily.

Lily paused for a moment, as a suit of armor to her left yelled with shocking vigor, "You guys should kiss!" Potter held up a finger and mouthed for Lily to hold that thought, then reached past her and gave the suit a good bang on the head that echoed like a metallic drum. Lily held in a snort.

"If you're talking about Remus, you should go now. I can take care of the rest of this shift," Lily said indifferently. Potter gazed at her in wonder.

"Do you mean it?" he asked. "I told Sirius and Peter I'd be along later-"

"Go. He's your mate, he needs you. There's only a few corridors of our route left. And it's not as though I'm very keen to spend a lot of my night with you," Lily said matter-of-factly. James was beaming at her.

"Star of my heart," he breathed dreamily, stepping in front of Lily and holding her by the elbows (and ignoring the sour face she made), "I would take that suit of armor's advice if my face being exactly the way it is wasn't my biggest bargaining chip with getting you to go out with me. I owe you one."

"I don't want you in my debt, Potter," Lily said, as James took a step back.

James gave her a knowing look. "You'd be surprised how handy it may be to have one of Hogwarts's most infamous pranksters in your debt," he said, as he began backing down the corridor. "Even if you never cash it in, know that my pure devotion remains in your hands! What do you say to Hogsmeade?" he called, as he broke into a sprint. Lily shook her head, wishing she had known that that would be that last time for a long while that she had a trademarked Potter-Evans banter session.

 

\+ + +

 

Potter's face was downtrodden, his dark eyes bleak, as he walked into breakfast the next morning. He had only Peter trailing behind him, who looked equally as forlorn. Lily tuned out of her discussion with Marlene to stare, as Potter and Pettigrew took silent seats a little ways away from the table. Making up her mind in an instant, Lily took the risk. She scooted away from Marlene and found herself across the varnished wooden table from the two Marauders.

"Potter. Something's happened. What is it?" she asked quietly, ignoring Marlene's shocked, indignant, curious sputters that she had left behind but could still plainly hear. Potter looked up as though slightly dazed, like he wasn't entirely sure that this wasn't a dream. Lily could see why. Up close, he looked much worse. He mightn't have slept at all the previous night. Lily couldn't help but feel slightly robbed of the boy she'd been talking to so nicely less than twelve hours ago.

Peter gave an alarmed and tired squeak at seeing Lily. He looked between her and Potter.

"Evans?" Potter asked, his voice quiet and confused.

"Is Remus okay? Where's Black?" Lily pressed quietly. At the mention of his best friend, Potter made a quiet noise of sad indignation.

"Remus is fine," he said at once, albeit somewhat stiffly. "But Sir... he didn't come back to the Shrieking Shack last night." Potter looked slightly hopeless. He hadn't so much as glanced at any of the food on the table. Pettigrew was trying to discreetly push some toast in front of him.

"The Shrieking Shack?" Lily asked, her eyebrows twitching downward in confusion. "Is that where you all sneak off to?"

"We haven't seen Sirius for hours," Peter redirected. James made another small noise and pushed the toast away like an upset child. Normally, Lily would have found this action annoying or, more recently, slightly endearing. Now she was only concerned.

"Then where's Remus?" Lily asked, now looking directly at Peter for answers.

"Upstairs in the dormitories," Peter hiccuped. He looked completely distraught. "He refuses to come downstairs, and he's charmed his bed hangings against us. Says he won't come to lessons, that he's a monster."

Lily didn't say anything for a moment, just let the words wash over her as her brain fought to take the information in. Without relaying a single idea, she pushed away from the table and started walking down the Great Hall, back to the entrance. This seemed to spark some more life in Potter, because he called, "Evans! Evans! Where are you going?" after her. It was then that Lily silently thanked James for asking her out so often. Something like that, if it had been anybody else, would have caused stares to follow her.

 

\+ + +

 

The boy's dormitory was messy. It seemed oddly vacant of life, however, which was something extremely uncharacteristic of the Marauders. There was dust caught in the sunlight that filtered in through the windows. Only one set of dark red curtains hung closed about their bed. Lily hoped that Remus was awake behind them.

Just as she was about to pluck up the courage to speak, the voice of Remus Lupin rang out, slightly muffled from behind the hangings, which led to an odd muddle of sounds.

"I've told you-"

"Remus?"

Then, even more perplexingly, there was total silence, as Lily and Remus worked to figure out what they were both doing here.

"Evans?" Remus asked next, breaking the silence. Lily's throat was dry.

"Yeah," she said, cautiously stepping a little farther into the room. She sat on the bed next to Remus's, made no move to intrude on his bed. "Potter said that you were having a rough morning."

"We know that you know, Lily. There's no point in being coy," Remus said. His voice sounded thin and stretched.

"What happened last night?" Lily asked, jumping straight to the point.

"I. don't. know." Remus sounded helpless and defeated. Lily wanted nothing more than to help him. She had never heard Remus's voice so resentful. "I'd prefer to be alone right now, thanks, Evans."

"Remus, what happened with Black isn't your fault," Lily assured him resolutely.

"You-! You have no idea, Lily, okay? So please stay out of this. I've already hurt enough people. Just go away," Remus muttered, with a muted bitterness.

"You know, it's lucky that you're talking to me," Lily said. "Anybody else might have believed you and left."

There was a tense silence for a moment. Lily waited, perched on the edge of the bed, listening to Remus try to work out what she was getting at. "What are you talking about?"

At this, she stood and walked over to his bed. Raising a hand, she knocked twice on his bed post. "Can I come in?" she asked softly. "Or is your fort a 'no girls allowed' one?"

There was another silence for a moment, and then Remus muttered something and jerked the curtains open. Lily bent over and climbed onto his bed. Remus shut the hanging after her, imprisoning them in their own world. Remus was in a pair of worn blue pyjamas. He had been crying.

"I'm sorry about what happened. But it's not your fault," she said, her voice so heartfelt that Remus's eyes softened, filled once more with tears.

"I hate this," he hissed quietly, shutting his eyes. A tear fell deftly from his eye and glided over one of his scars. "I hate being this, I hate being what I am!" His voice rose, but his body didn't move. Like he had learned long ago how to control his temper, so that he wouldn't frighten himself or anybody else with it.

"Do you know what you are?" Lily asked quietly. Remus's eyes opened in shock at the dull noise.

"A monster."

"Do you know what you are, Remus?"

This time, Lily was met with only silence, and a slightly reproachful gaze, like Remus didn't want to hear anything good about himself. She pressed on.

"You're a Hogwarts prefect. You're in the class's top ten. You're a brilliant friend to James, Sirius, and Peter. You're funny and smart and a delightful conversationalist, really. You're someone who people don't understand, because you don't understand yourself. But please don't think for a single second that there aren't people willing to help you, who can see that you aren't at all a monster. You've been dealt a bad hand, and I'm sorry, so sorry, Remus, but that doesn't mean - it just - I don't know a single person who could carry this burden half as well as you are. And I am very proud to call you a friend." Lily stopped, her heart beating in her chest. She was tempted to pull a Good Will Hunting and beat it into Remus's head that this was not his fault, but she could see that even without that, Remus was starting to feel better.

Wordlessly, he pulled Lily into a tight hug. She returned it fiercely, awkward though it was on the mattress of the bed. For emphasis, she told him one more thing.

"I know that you're good, Remus. No matter what you believe. Sirius is going to turn up any minute, don't you worry."

 

 

5.

Come nightfall, there had been no sighting of Sirius Black. At lovely Lily's testimonial, the teachers believed the Marauders' story - that Sirius's mother had summoned him home because his cousin had fallen ill. The word spread quickly through the castle, and James seemed heartened when Lily and Remus had strode into Charms class no more than ten minutes late. It was a good thing, too, because the rest of the day seemed to only drag him down. By lunch, Lily was conflicted with the stunning realization that she was missing that arrogant toerag's grin. She resisted the urge to walk across the Great Hall and slam a helping of porridge in front of him, because he hadn't eaten yet that day.

By the time all of the Gryffindors were shut up in the common room, Lily was just about fed up with it. She shut her book and shoved it roughly aside, striding determinedly up to Potter.

"Can I have a word?" she asked.

Potter looked slightly taken aback, not at all his exuberant self, but nodded all the same. He stood and wordlessly motioned something to Peter and Remus, who nodded. Then Potter followed Lily out of the common room.

"Where are we going?" he asked, his voice sounding as though he had recently gazed into the depths of misery. Lily reached out and took his hand.

"On a walk," she answered simply. Potter seemed to be struggling to comprehend what was happening. As such, he didn't say a word until they reached the entrance to the castle. It was getting dark. They would have to be quick. Evans's grades couldn't save her every time she broke the rules.

As she pushed open the front entrance, Potter seemed to fall out of his stupor. "Evans, what's going on?" he asked.

Lily gestured to the grounds of Hogwarts like she was glad he had asked. "I'm surprised you thickheads weren't already doing this," she said sweetly. "Aren't you going to go and search for Black?"

Potter looked a more muted version of his _I'm scandalized_ face. "We were waiting for nightfall so no teachers would suspect anything," he said haughtily. Lily forced back a smile to see the old James returning.

"And how were you planning on getting out of the castle after hours?" she asked, crossing her arms in the chilly November night air.

"How do we always?" James responded enigmatically, then left it at that.

"I don't know. How do you always?" she pressed. James gave her the same look he had given her last night. She carried on, "I don't think you lot should waste any time in finding Black. He's your best mate."

"Surprised you care so much. Would've thought you'd do anything to split up the dynamic duo," James said.

"I don't want Black dead, Potter," Lily said. "How could you think that?"

James's face fell like Lily had slapped him. His voice was suddenly so quiet that Lily barely heard it over the howling of the wind. "Is that... what you think? That's he's...?"

Lily's heart skipped several beats. "Of course not!" she hurriedly assured him. "I don't think that at all, James. I'm sorry that I said that. Of course I don't think he's... Of course not. I'm sorry."

James didn't say anything. He wouldn't meet Lily's eye. "Why did you bring me out here?" he asked, his voice still quiet and shaky. Lily had never heard such genuine emotion in it.

"Because I, for some stupid reason, thought I knew better than you about your own mates," she said. "I really am sorry. If there's any way I can help, please-"

"You can't help," James said sullenly, almost like a reprimand. Lily looked down at her shoes, wishing she had brought a jacket. It must be the wind making her feel so cold. It must be.

"Right," she said softly. "I just thought maybe-"

"I've got something to show you," said James, quite suddenly. He looked very frightened to have spoken. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone. And you... you have to... I'm trusting you with something big. Something life-changing, alright? And so, if you don't think you can handle it, tell me now. It's how we can help Remus during the full moon."

Lily fought to keep her mouth closed and her eyes neutral. What could James mean? What had he done that was so...? She nodded, and James sprung into action.

He took hold of Lily's hand this time. He pulled her out of the school's courtyard and down toward the Forbidden Forest, until they were standing right at the edge. Suddenly, James looked almost abashed, but also very excited. The flicker of emotion warmed Lily better than a jacket.

"Okay," he breathed out. "Remember, this is serious. Try not to - to... Well, try not to do anything that you would normally do if you found out Toerag Potter... well..."

He said nothing more, and neither did Lily, because she suddenly found herself quite speechless. James was changing. Not changing, but physically changing. In a matter of ten seconds, Lily was standing before a magnificent, tall stag, that was prancing around her with a feeling that was almost... trepidation. Like he was nervous at how she would react. In another second, the stag was gone, and James had reappeared, panting slightly.

"I'm sorry for the position this puts you into," he said. "But you-"

"You... you're an animagus?" Lily asked, her voice distant, her eyes glazed over.

James looked worried, side-glancing into the trees as though expecting someone to emerge and accuse him of breaking the law. Which he most certainly had done.

"Yyyyyyyyyyyyyes," he answered uncertainly.

"And Sirius and Peter...?" Lily trailed off, deep in thought. Suddenly, she cried, so loudly that James actually jumped and let out a startled shout, "That's why you sucked on mandrake leaves for a month! You were - you-!"

"Yes, we're all-"

"And you did that all for Remus?" Lily asked.

James looked slightly shy and nodded. "You have to swear that you won't tell anyone, alright Evans?"

"That's incredible that you can do that, James," Lily said sincerely. "That all of you can do that. That you do it for him."

James gave a soft smile, of genuine emotion. It was now getting much darker, and Lily could barely see the gleam returning in his eye. She reached for his hand, held them together against his chest.

"You know, I like it when we talk like this, Evans," James said.

"I like it when you aren't an arrogant toerag," said Lily, before she thought about how James might take the words.

"Maybe my best friend should go missing more often," James suggested dully. Lily could tell he was trying to make a joke for her benefit.

"You should go look for him. You're wasting time talking to me," Lily said softly. Her arms were feeling quite cold now, and she imagined that James's were as well. Neither of them had on coats.

"Any second I spend talking to you is an absolute treasure, Lily Evans," James said sincerely. He was looking at Lily so fondly that she wondered for a moment what she was doing, and why she hadn't ever said yes to his thousands of date (and, slightly less of, marriage) proposals. She was sure that her eyes were soft on him, too.

"Evans, if... well, I know this is the worst time in the world, and I'm supposed to be in intense emotional agony - which I am, don't worry - but... if I asked you to Hogsmeade right now... what would you say?" James asked, because he always seemed to be able to read Lily's mind. She wasn't sure that she believed, with animgi suddenly in the question, the James wasn't quite skilled in Occlumencey.

Lily paused, taking a step closer to James and relinking their fingers furtively, "I would say that you should ask me... tomorrow," she answered quietly, then reached up onto her toes to kiss James's cheek.

James's face immediately went bright red, and his eyes widened in shock. He took the hand that Lily was not holding and looked quite ridiculous as he reached across his face to touch the spot she had kissed. Lily suddenly found her face's heat to be a fierce competitor against the frigid November wind.

"We should get back inside," she mumbled.

"I'm never going inside. I'm never moving from this spot again," James said dumbly. Lily graced him with a laugh and a bright smile.

"I want you to go look for Sirius with your friends, James," Lily said. "And I'll see you tomorrow."

James looked thrilled, the color and joy of his usual self returning to his face. "Yes, I daresay you will. Even if it's the last thing I do."

 

1.

With the coming of the next morning, Lily Evans's sense also returned. She awoke in her four-poster with very vivid memories of the night before, and before Marlene could complain about the time of day, Lily was already halfway-dressed and making for the door. One look at the Marauders meant that the news was quite plain: Sirius had not been found last night.

This turned out to be absolutely fine, though, because after a hard breakfast, Hogwarts learned just how true of a Drama Queen Sirius Black was. He arrived in the middle of the Care of Magical Creatures lesson, stark naked and moaning about his lousy friends.

Lily Evans had never seen so many boys delighted to see a literal and figurative dick.

There was no usual uproar in the common room, as their would have been on such a night, because Sirius Black had not technically been missing. Sirius seemed thoroughly put out that barely anybody had missed him, and spent the entire night fawning over James as payment. James seemed more than happy to give him the attention he desired, anyway, and Lily was almost glad to think, as she worked on her Potions essay, that James had not actually asked her out today. That he seemed to have forgotten about last night, after Sirius's dramatic return.

Lily didn't even noice that she was staring until Potter's stupid, charming brown eyes were glancing up, and they just happened to make direct eye contact with hers. Hastily, Lily glanced back down and took the edge of her quill out from between her teeth. It was too late. She could tell without even looking that Potter was sauntering toward her.

"Hey there, Evans."

"Not now, Potter," Lily said immediately. After Potter's raucous return to being his normal self, Lily had realized just how well she had dodged that bullet. "I'm studying." She forced herself to keep her gaze locked on her paper. The essay wasn't going to write itself. If it was, it would have done so in the past thirty minutes Lily had wasted staring at those oafs.

"Me?"

"What?" Lily broke her only rule, looked up at Potter in tense, irritated confusion.

"Studying me? Because that's what it looked like," Potter gloated, grinning his stupid grin that made his stupid white teeth look so good and his stupid pretty lips look so kissable.

Lily scoffed, reasserted herself and looked back down at her paper. Resolutely, she determined to finish it before saying anything else to this lout.

"Wow, you're really off your game tonight, Evans," Potter noted. "No witty repartee for me? What's got you off in the Quidditch Pitch?"

 _More like who could get her off in the Quidditch Pitch_. "Get out of my face, toerag. I have homework to do," Lily snapped, for a final time. James didn't seem deterred in the least.

"No," James insisted, sticking up a finger and sitting cross-legged in front of her chair, "but see, the thing is, Evans, is now I'm interested, and so you have to tell me. Otherwise I'm simply never going to leave you alone."

"You never seem to anyway," Lily muttered, biting the inside of her cheek. She tried to convince herself that she didn't see Potter's face break into a beam.

"There she is! Welcome back, Evans, we missed you!" he said.

"Same can't be said for her." Lily shook her head and crossed out "add a potter of helebore" from her essay emphatically. She had to get this stupid boy out of her head. "Don't you have a bunch of loser friends to get back to? You know, the people who actually like your company, Merlin knows why?"

Potter puts a hand over his heart, makes an exaggerated face of hurt. "Well, you're much prettier than Padfoot. You wound me, Evans. Here I am, simply showing my concern for a strapping young girl like yourself-"

"Pretty certain I've told you to get lost at least three times now," Lily cut off, her eyebrows seemingly blaming her paper because she still refused to look at Potter.

"Three times exactly, actually," Potter said pleasantly. He acted as though this affected him not in the slightest, smiling up at her from the floor with his stupid attractive arms flickering in the pale firelight. "Unfortunately, however, we had an agreement last night. That I would see you today."

"And now you see me. So now you can go," Lily drawled, as she wrote another line about maturing elixirs.

"Evans, I am shocked. I thought we had quite a moment last night," Potter said.

Lily looked up, frustrated, directly into Potter's eyes, with a dark scoff. Something on her face must have disarmed him, because he dropped his act of gusto.

"Last night was... weird," Lily defended lamely. In truth, she had absolutely no idea how she was currently regarding Potter. She felt like she'd been nursing a headache all day. There was a pensive silence. Lily glanced at Potter and saw that he was looking at her more seriously, closer to how he had done last night.

"Good night, Evans," he acknowledged abruptly, standing. "And good luck with your essay, as well." Without another word, he walked back to his friends as though nothing had happened, leaving Lily thoroughly confused.

 

\+ + +

 

The next day, Saturday, Potter didn't speak to Evans at all, even though he had frequent opportunities to do so that he normally would have jumped on. It was oddly quiet. Lily felt somewhat... forgotten. Like there was something missing. Like she was trying to remember one final thing to take with her before she went on vacation, but couldn't, for the life of her, think of it. That constant nagging sensation made her a disaster to try to socialize with, and Marlene had quite frankly given up with her before lunch.

Lily dreamt that night of Potter, of his stupid hair and the way he would always make sure she was watching before he scored on the Quidditch pitch. When she woke up, she didn't actually leave her bed for several minutes. Marlene was already gone from her bed, but Alice was dozing soundly on the other end of the room, snoring lightly.

Reluctantly, Lily forced herself up and made her way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. The Marauders were in the common room, and James spared Lily a long glance as she crossed it. It stuck with her the entire time she tried to eat her meal.

The following day, the first of December, still with not so much of a word being passed between them, Lily began to feel slightly nauseous every time James was in the vicinity. She had taken to locking herself in storage closets on the seventh floor to do her homework, where the only distractions were the sparse footsteps that never lingered.

Come Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall seemed in a slightly less stern mood than usual. Towards the middle of the lesson, she announced, "Now, you can all work in pairs with your partner on this assignment. Mr. Pettigrew, you can work with Miss Evans, seeing as neither of you have a partner."

Lily glanced to the side as Potter made an indignant noise. "That really hurts, Professor," he said, in a mock-wounded voice, clutching a hand to his heart. Professor McGonagall looked like Potter had sprouted wings and begun flying.

"Oh, dear!" she cried. "Potter, I thought you were absent, you've been so quiet today! Er, very well, Pettigrew, you can work in a group of three..." She went back to her desk somewhat distractedly and occupied herself with some papers there. Pettigrew sidled up the aisle until he was next to Remus and Sirius, cast James a brazen wink.

Potter shook his head in disgrace. "The nerve," he tutted.

Lily had absolutely no idea how to react to this. Potter hadn't spoken to her in three days, and now they were going to have normal conversation like this was what they did? Her head was hurting.

"Everything alright, Evans?" he asked, his voice genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," she assured him falsely, rubbing at her eyes. "Late night essays... Er... How've you been?"

James's eyebrows folded downward. "Recently?" he asked, confused, but still grinning like Lily had told him a joke. "I... alright. And yourself? Haven't seen much of you, now that I recall."

"I've been... stressed," she murmured to the textbook sitting on her desk. "Everything's back to normal now, isn't it?"

James paused. Lily noticed that neither of them had actually begun the work, but McGonagall was still too set on her desk to notice. "Don't know what you mean, I'm afraid."

"Well, Black is back, you see," Lily said, not quite sure where she was going with this or why she was saying it. "So you're... you're back to your same old, pompous, arrogant self and I'm..."

"Evans, you're not trying to tell me that you miss me?" James asked, pulling his _I'm scandalized_ face. Lily ran her hands over her face again, but said nothing.

"I don't," she muttered at last, and thought she felt James fall very disheartened next to her. "Which is why I'm confused, because I did enjoy the conversation we had Thursday night, and I enjoyed talking to that part of you, and now it seems that that part is gone. That's what I miss, because that's not..." Lily trailed off, because she didn't want to tell James who he was or wasn't, but she was also fairly certain that James was not the type of boy to sit down and have a nice chat with, or to mean it when he said he loved a girl, or to be sweet and funny, or to settle down, get married, be a father. James Potter was not the type of boy that Lily Evans could see herself dating. So why, then, did she want to so badly?

"How do you know that it's gone when we've barely spoken since?" James asked quietly. "That was the part that left you alone - that has been leaving you alone these past few days, because it knows that you need time to sort yourself out. That's the 'James' part of James Potter. The 'Potter' part has been dying to talk to you since you kissed him."

"But why do you never behave that way with your friends?" Lily asked, ignoring the mention of the kiss. She could only process so much as a time.

"Because... James is special. James is for you. And James would do that if you hung out with James's friends."

"James needs to stop referring to himself in the third person before Lil - I - hex you to bits," Lily said, gritting her teeth.

"Alright, clearly we do need to work through this," Potter muttered. "You're behaving quite erratically, Lily Evans, and if I want to talk to you then we need to sort this, because James doesn't let Potter talk to you until James feels that you're up for the grey hairs."

"I've never liked you, Potter," Lily said, quietly.

"I understand that," James said, nodding resolutely. Lily paused, in order to size him up better. He seemed to be blatantly honest at the moment.

"But I like James," Lily said at length. James seemed to let out a breath.

"Does that mean that you would not protest to seeing more of James? Say, try sitting next to him in other classes or with him and his friends during some meals in the Great Hall? Maybe going on a joint trip to Hogsmeade with some of Evans's friends partaking in the adventure as well?" James suggested hopefully.

"It means that we can take this slowly," Lily agreed, nodding. "And then we can get together for brunch and discuss how mad I am for thinking this is a reasonable idea."

James beamed. "Well, then I can't wait."

 

\+ + +

 

"No, no, no. Thursday doesn't work, it's a full moon," James said immediately, and Lily made the accommodating scribble on the piece of parchment, eyes widening slightly in disbelief at her own stupidity.

"And I can't do Wednesday lunch, I have a patrol then," Lily said. James nodded and crossed out the small box on his own sheet. "I can do dinner, though." James nodded once more.

"Saturday is a Hogsmeade trip. We're all okay if you, Marlene, and Alice want to join us," James said, indicating a blank and waiting box on the both of their sheets. It had obviously been waiting to be marked for this event, even if their intentions were unspoken up until now.

"The only thing is, if Alice comes then Frank will want to come as well," Lily told James, scratching the tip of her nose. She pretended that she didn't notice James's eyes tracing the movement.

"Blimey, this is all complicated. Alright, I'm going to take a chance and allow Frank passage as well. If we're not careful we're going to take the whole blooming school with us..." James muttered, but he filled in his box nonetheless.

"You're the one who suggested the chart, James," Lily reminded him.

"It's worth it, if you've stopped calling me 'Potter' for good," he said lightly.

"Not for good yet. Just for now. What do you have on Tuesday?" Lily inquired peaking over at his parchment.

"Detention. No good," James said sourly. "Blimey..." he muttered, ruffling his hands through his hair. Lily pretended that she did not acutely notice this either. "But on Monday I'm free as a hippogriff."

"Excellent. So, shall we say, breakfast Monday?" Lily suggested.

"Yeah, brilliant!" James agreed. "And finally... Friday. Anything? I was thinking maybe we could do a walk, if you're not busy. Just the two of us, or more friends, if you'd prefer."

"It'll be really cold outside, is the only thing," Lily said, already shivering at the thought.

"Yes, but next week everyone's leaving for Christmas. I wanted to squeeze in more time with you before then," James said, almost shyly. Lily hesitated, considering him.

"You know..." she said at length, "I might not be opposed to the thought of you Flooing over once or twice over the holiday. I know the Ministy doesn't usually put Muggle homes on the Network, but since I live there, I might be able to get Mum and Dad-"

"Brilliant!" James agreed, before she could even finish. Lily felt slightly breathless at the look of sheer excitement on his face. At once, it fell, and his tone turned casual once more. "So, then Friday-"

"Yes, Friday I could do, for maybe thirty to forty-five minutes after lunch before I have a patrol. Inside, would be better," she suggested, nodding.

James, grinning, stood up. Lily followed suit, her back cracking from the strain of having huddled so closely together with James in the common room. They shook hands to seal their business, and James departed for his friends. Lily, on the other hand, trekked upstairs to store their Wonderful Chart of Friendship Scheduling (as James had dubbed it under copious amounts of butterbeer that he had insisted would get him into the Christmas spirit) into her trunk.

 

\+ + +

 

Hogsmeade was a very cold affair. Both Marlene and Alice had neglected to come, stating that they had other plans. Lily didn't mind especially, and James seemed even relieved that he would not have to impress Lily's friends just yet. Even though they weren't dating. For some ungodly reason, Lily and James  _were not_ dating.

The ungodly reason being that James had not asked Lily out again, not since the night by the forest. He had to know that things have changed by now, that she would say yes. He had to know just by the way she looked at him, by the subtle shift in her eyes, from alert and studious to soft and kind.

And yet, here they were, outside of Zonko's, surrounded by James's friends, still beating around the bush.

"I hear they just got new balloons," Sirius said confidentially. "Give one to a friend, watch them struggle to blow it up for quite a while. Know why? Undetectable Expansion Charm on the inside. Merlin, it's bloody brilliant."

"You'll be giving this place a run for its money in a few years, Padfoot," Remus commented, tossing his hair back out of his eyes and readjusting his scarf on his neck.

Sirius looked scandalized. "I expect you to recognize that in a few years I will have taken over the world, not merely this pathetic store chain," he said, affronted.

"Pathetic? One blooming second ago you were first in line to lick this store's arse," Remus contradicted, voice shrill with amusement.

"And you can't take over the world if that Voldemort bloke beats you to it, so you'd better get a move on," James added. Peter gave a small squeak. "Oh, come on, Wormtail. Find your Gryffindor courage!"

"I don't like his name..." Peter mumbled in embarrassment.

James let out a dramatic huff of breath which condensed in front of him like steam from the Hogwarts Express and dissipated slowly. "Are we going to stand here gawking at it or are we going to go inside?" he asked.

"I'm freezing," was Remus's input. "I think we should go back up to the castle."

"Just grow your wolf pelt, Moony," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "We have more important things to do than Transfiguration essays that were due last week."

Remus looked scandalized. "You  _still_ haven't-"

"Hey, Evans, my hand is super cold," James interjected loudly. "Maybe you should hold it."

Lily looked at him in mild amusement, but said nothing. Instead, she one-upped him in the only way she knew how - by accepting his challenge and reaching for his hand. There was a moment of stiff, incredulous silence as Lily stared through the door of the store at the many shelves waiting inside.

Then, suddenly, Sirius spoke up in a whiny tone, "Hey  _James_ , my hand is cold. Would  _you_ mind holding it?"

James grinned. "Give it here, Padfoot," he said, and took hold of Sirius's hand. Lily could tell that he was trying very hard not to laugh, because she was, too.

"Hey, Sirius," said Remus next, his voice distorted with glee, " _my_ hand is feeling quite frosty as well. Could you hold it?" Sirius seemed quite excited to deliver this request.

"Lily, my hand is frightfully freezing," Peter said, laying it on quite thickly and bowing courteously. "I'd be delighted if you could hold it."

Lily reached out and linked hands with him. The five of them entered Zonko's and refused to let go of each other's hands until they had reached the castle again.

 

\+ + +

 

Lily woke up on the morning of January the thirtieth to the sounds of scampering feet, and then the feeling of something jumping on her bed. Something small and fuzzy and white. She jerked up only to find a rabbit looking at her expectantly, with a note tied into its collar. Lily had never seen this rabbit before in her life.

_Oi, Evans. Get your pretty butt down here._

Though the lovely message was unsigned, Lily recognized the handwriting. She held the rabbit with one arm as she got out of bed, ignoring, for a moment, the pile of presents at the foot of her bed as she favored getting dressed. Potter would just have to wait. There was no way she was going down there in her nightie just because he wanted a word.

With great difficulty, Lily quickly decided on what to wear and scooted down the stairs, careful not to lose hold of the rabbit. At the bottom of the staircase, James was waiting, rather impatiently.

" _Finally_ ," he exclaimed, though he was grinning. "You look great, Lily."

"I didn't know you had a rabbit," Lily said, handing the little white fuzzball back to James.

"I don't," he answered immediately, and waved his wand. The rabbit Transfigured itself into a small water goblet. "Child's play, of course." She should have known, honestly.

"So, was there something you wanted to say to me on this very fine, very cold day?" Lily prompted, in the early emptiness of the common room.

" _This_ day? This fine, cold day? I can't think of _anything_ that I might want to say to you, on this, the thirtieth of January, the seventeenth successful year that you have had, after being released from your mother's treacherous womb that tried to keep you from us," James said. "Nothing at all. Nothing at all like 'happy birthday,' if that's what you were expecting, anyway."

"I wasn't expecting anything," said Lily pointedly. "That being said, if you'll excuse me, I have plenty of other people who  _do_ have something to say to me on this very uneventful and not at all special day in the form of a pile of mysterious boxes near my bed."

James let out a low sound of mistrust. "Are you sure you should be opening up mysterious boxes on uneventful days?" he asked.

Lily couldn't force back her smile. "What's life without a little risk?" she said.

It was then that James dropped the act. "Happy birthday, Lily. D'you want to go for a walk with me later?" he asked.

"If you're free now and you want to give me ten minutes, I can be right down," Lily suggested brightly. James looked thrilled, like Lily was bending the stars and the moons to be with him. He nodded enthusiastically, making Lily's heart pull in all sorts of directions and her stomach flip.

She almost didn't want to open her presents now, but kicked herself back up the stairs anyway to get it over and done with. There were several, still patiently waiting, and Lily tore into them, waking up Marlene and Alice in the process. They both wished her a happy birthday and added their presents to the pile, though Lily was somewhat reluctant to accept them in her rush.

There was nothing from James, but that didn't deter her. Besides the fact that she knew James hadn't forgotten her, she thought of the fact that they would be spending time together now, and that that was enough.

James was still waiting when Lily emerged downstairs once more. He stood up from the table he was leaning on and beamed at her, offered her the spot under his arm as they made their way toward the portrait hole. She accepted, smiling all the way.

They began their walk down toward the basement, in order to stop by the kitchens and get some food for their journey. The House-Elves were delighted and accommodating, beaming and bowing as they loaded James and Lily with an assortment of treats, going so far as to try to send them off with an entire roast turkey before Lily had to decline. After that, they made their way up several flights of stairs to the third floor and began wandering aimlessly through the corridor, enjoying their breakfast.

All the while, it seemed that James was unable to keep his eyes off of Lily. She tried not to notice, but he was making her feel like she was under an especially accurate pair of Omnioculars. 

"You know, I like having been born in the winter," Lily remarked. "The snow just makes everything so nice. Especially when you're outside and it starts to flurry and snowflakes get caught in your eyelashes."

"Like when we were down at Hogsmeade," James remembered aloud, his voice muted, like he was somewhere else mentally. Lily nodded, sucking thoughtfully on a sugar quill. She wondered then if James was thinking about  _her_ eyelashes - she was thinking about  _his_.

It was at that moment that someone Lily would not have expected to run into turned the corner and spotted them. He looked slightly abashed and slightly sick at the thought of seeing Lily under James's arm.

"Happy birthday, Lily," said Severus Snape, eyeing James uneasily. Lily smiled, though it wasn't as warm as it used to be.

"Thank you," was all she said. James did not speak or do anything to Severus, just regarded him cautiously, as though he might repeat his mistake of eighteen months ago. Then, out of his robes, Severus produced a small parcel.

"For you," he said simply, then hurried past her. James turned to watch him, but Lily was too preoccupied with the gift. She tore open the brown paper around it and examined the necklace inside carefully. It was a small, metallic lily flower that seemed to slowly open and close. Lily put it back in the package and put the package in her pocket.

"I thought you didn't talk to Snape anymore," James said.

"I don't."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess I should give you my present, too, now, if you want," James said, fixing his smile back in place. Or maybe it just fell there naturally when he looked at Lily. She liked to think the latter, as she nodded eagerly.

James shuffled all of his chocolate frogs to one arm as he reached deep into his pocket. "Don't worry," he said, as he pulled out a small note. "It's not poetry again. I know how rubbish that was." In spite of herself, Lily laughed as she unfolded the note. James just carried on speaking. "Now, I'm not going to be so superficial as to say that your present is me, because I may be shallow, but I'm not  _that_ shallow-"

"I don't know, I would say that your head's been majorly deflated," Lily assured him, grinning as the note was revealed.

"-and I've been wondering what to get you for weeks, now," James continued, as though Lily hadn't interrupted him, "and I was wondering about getting you a necklace or something but now I'm glad that I didn't because how much of a  _tool_ would I've looked - anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I thought that if we went to Hogsmeade together as my treat, you could get what you want as a birthday present without me just giving you money because I would never know if I gave you enough and money is so unemotional-"

James Potter was so thoroughly confused for so long of a moment that Lily actually began to doubt that he had ever wanted her to kiss him. As soon as he realized what was happening, however, the response was instant. He dropped all of his chocolate frogs, his sugar quills, his pumpkin pasties, his Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans - he dropped all of his  _cares_ and planted his hands on either side of Lily's waist as he kissed her back like she was wood lice and he was a starving bowtruckle.

Her breath tasted of the strawberry sugar quill he'd been so jealous of, and her fingers twisted in his hair felt far better than any ruffling he had ever issued upon himself. Having her respond to his touch, after thinking of her for so long, was like filling James Potter up with music. He was singing inside, a never ending song about Lily Evans. Lily Evans, the girl who was  _kissing him_.

Her lips met his with such superb accuracy that he felt like a fool for waiting so long. He wished that he had never been foolish, ever, so that she would have liked him back in fourth year. He held her with such a frail touch that he was afraid she would think him resisting her, but it was just that he was so afraid to ruin this chance. The boys would never believe him...

After what seemed like an eternity, Lily pulled away, her tongue (stained red from the quill) darting over her lips. James's heart lurched. He was positive that he was mirroring her beam.

She looked down at the note - he had almost forgotten about it. After weeks and weeks of agonizing, grueling, torturous thought over what to get Lily for her birthday, he had pulled out a parchment, intending to make a list of possibilities, and had written only one word across it, then folded it up and carried it with him ever since. In his goofy, scrawled handwriting, the note read-

 _Hogsmeade_?

And now, so much time after James had spent writing it, Lily Evans looked up at him with the brightest green eyes and, for the first time, said, "Yes." Then she kissed him again and all thoughts of Hogsmeade flew from his mind. The only thought he had was that she had better continue to tolerate him for the rest of their lives, because James Potter would never love anybody else.


End file.
